Saturday, January 5, 2013

The one where I tell you I didn't go.

The last four days have been such a surreal blur.

From the first few coughs, to fever and headache.  Wednesday I went into the doctor and did the nose test.  I had Influenza A, and as long as my fever went away I wasn't coughing, took my Tamiflu, it should have been alright to go.  I just needed to be very careful because I would be contagious.
 
Thursday, I woke up to fever, chills, coughing and a complete realization that not only was I not feeling better (ten times worse), I didn't think I could do a 2am trip to the airport the next morning to fly to Haiti, to be warmly embraced by people whom I wanted to serve.  ONLY instead I had just infected with something they might not be physically able to fight off, lacking the medical resources necessary to fight.  I couldn't imagine my teammates suffering fevers, chills, aches and coughing in Haiti.  And then a brave voice called me from far away telling me how concerned she was that I would go and do a great deal of harm to myself and to others if I went.  A phone call I don't think until today that I could have EVER made. 
 
I bowed my head prayed that the Lord would bring me wisdom and would give me a word that I knew was from Him.  Opened my Bible. And I received two.
 
Let love and faithfulness never leave you.....then
you will win favor and a good name
in the sight of God and man.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.
                        Proverbs 3:3-6
My son, preserve sound judgment and discernment,
do not let them out of your sight;
they will be life to you
an ornament to grace your neck.
Then you will go on your way in safety,
and your foot will not stumble;
when you lie down, you will not be afraid;
when you lie down your sleep will be sweet.
Proverbs 3:21-24
 
To say that I am sad would be putting it mildly.  That I've cried a time or twenty. An understatement.

This trip never really was all about me and what I would do it.  It is about the glory of the God I serve.  He will do His work in Haiti through my friends and I will sit at home very much still a part of my team.  Heart torn in two places, praying as if I were in both.  I've rehearsed the schedule dozens of times for this.  For this sacred work of prayer.  May I still be faithful.

Thank you for praying beside me.
 Lee

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