Monday, January 23, 2012
In need of grace
There are moments as a mom that you just wish you could use white out tape on. This picture is January evidence of a September "Mom-Fail" day.
This is our 2011 first day of school picture. Three of my ducks all lined up. Back packs on, dressed as best as I could coach 'em, and all ready to head out. Third Grade. First Grade. Preschool. In that order. And like any mom planning their senior open houses as we tie their shoes, I *NEEDED* a picture of this day. With signs. And smiles. Looking at the camera.
SMILE. Come on guys. Now, smile.
(Beginning to growl now)
This is what I have representing our first day of school this year. It will likely be in all three of their picture books. Nice, eh?
Lesson 100,000,007 of being a mom to an introvert. Scratch that. Lesson 100,000,007 of being a mom to anyone. You can't force the smile. Quickly followed by: Give them grace.
What I overlooked as her mom on the first day of school was that she was terrified. confused. excited. and hating every second of having this moment captured on film. I wish, oh how I wish, that I had given her grace on this day. I would love to roll back the clock take the other two's pictures and save the all together picture for a happy day when the transition wasn't as overwhelming and the routine had buffed the edges.
What I'm dying to say is......
I fail at this mom thing all the time. I am wildly in need of God's grace to get through these kinds of moments and all those in between. Because I want to love them like Jesus. I want to carry them to Him. And I want them to know that they know that they know, that Mama loves them-Jesus loves them-when they just can't smile. When their worlds are splitting at the seams and they feel anxiety till they are sick. Right now, I can be those arms to wrap them up and love them like Jesus. Whisper his name, his precious, life giving name over them.
Oh' Lord, make me a woman of wild grace. Help me as I lay my expectations to the side to watch for places I can portray your extravagant love to those around me. Lord, harken my heart to the needs of those precious gems in my care.